The Psychological Phenomenon FOBO: The Fear of a Better Option and How to Overcome It
Photo by Letizia Bordoni on Unsplash
Have you ever spent way too long picking a restaurant, shopping for the perfect product, or second-guessing a major life decision—only to feel stuck, overwhelmed, and unsatisfied? If so, you’ve experienced FOBO, or Fear of a Better Option.
FOBO is that nagging doubt that no matter what choice you make, there’s a better one out there. It’s the reason we hesitate to commit, whether to a purchase, a job, or even a relationship. Unlike the fear of making a bad decision, FOBO stems from the fear of making anything less than the perfect one.
In a world overloaded with choices, FOBO is more than just a minor inconvenience—it’s a mindset that can lead to chronic dissatisfaction, decision paralysis, and unnecessary stress.
How FOBO Shows Up in Daily Life
FOBO can creep into almost every aspect of life, from trivial choices to major life decisions:
Ordering at a restaurant: You scroll through the menu for 20 minutes, afraid you’ll regret your choice when you see what someone else ordered.
Online shopping: You read endless reviews and compare prices for hours, only to feel anxious that a better deal exists somewhere else.
Dating and relationships: You hesitate to commit, constantly wondering if “someone better” is out there.
Career choices: You hold off on accepting a job offer, worrying that a dream opportunity is just around the corner.
Movie night: You spend so much time scrolling for the perfect movie that you end up watching nothing at all.
At its core, FOBO keeps you stuck in a loop of indecision, preventing you from fully embracing and enjoying the choices you make.
The High-Stakes Side of FOBO: Commitment & Relationships
FOBO doesn’t just affect small decisions—it can create deep doubts about long-term commitments.
Imagine this: You’re in a happy, healthy relationship. Your partner is supportive, kind, and shares your values. Then, they propose. Instead of feeling excited, you freeze.
What if this isn’t my soulmate?
What if we’re happy now, but I’ll regret this in five years?
What if someone even better is out there?
This is FOBO at its most intense—when the weight of a major life decision triggers fear, doubt, and hesitation. Unlike swiping on a dating app, this isn’t just about keeping your options open—it’s about the fear of permanence and making a “wrong” choice.
Why FOBO Feels So Overwhelming
Psychologically, FOBO is driven by:
Fear of regret: The idea that once you commit, you’ve closed the door to all other possibilities.
Perfectionism: The belief that there is a single “perfect” choice, and anything less means failure.
Comparison culture: Social media makes it easy to believe that everyone else has found the best partner, job, or life path—so why settle for less?
The Hidden Consequences of FOBO
FOBO doesn’t just waste time—it can impact your mental health, relationships, and personal growth:
Career stagnation: Always waiting for the perfect job can keep you from progressing in any role.
Relationship struggles: FOBO makes it hard to build deep connections when you're always wondering if there’s a “better” person out there.
Friendship & social life: You might avoid committing to plans, waiting to see if something better comes up.
Mental health effects: Constantly second-guessing decisions can lead to stress, anxiety, and even decision fatigue, draining your energy and confidence.
FOBO as a Form of Anxiety
At its core, FOBO is a type of anxiety—specifically, anticipatory anxiety mixed with perfectionism.
From a neurological perspective, FOBO happens when:
The prefrontal cortex (responsible for rational decision-making) gets overwhelmed by too many choices.
The amygdala (the brain’s fear center) sees commitment as a potential danger, making you overly focused on risk and regret.
This leads to decision paralysis, where you keep putting off choices because they feel too overwhelming. Over time, this cycle of avoidance can weaken self-trust and increase anxiety, making even small decisions feel high-stakes.
How to Break Free from FOBO
Overcoming FOBO isn’t about eliminating choice—it’s about shifting how you approach decisions.
1. Set a Decision Deadline
Give yourself a time limit. Whether it’s 30 seconds to order food or a week to accept a job offer, setting a deadline reduces overthinking.
2. Limit Your Options
Studies show that having too many choices leads to dissatisfaction. Narrow your options down to 3-5 before making a final decision.
3. Ask Yourself: “Will This Matter in a Year?”
Many decisions that cause FOBO won’t significantly impact your future. If it won’t matter a year from now, don’t overthink it.
4. Flip a Coin—Literally
This isn’t about chance—it’s about intuition. If the result disappoints you, your gut is telling you what you truly want.
5. Follow the 80% Rule
Perfection doesn’t exist. If a choice is 80% good, it’s good enough. The happiest people aren’t the ones who find the best option—they’re the ones who learn to love the option they choose.
Final Thoughts: Commit and Move Forward
FOBO is fueled by the illusion that a perfect choice exists. The truth? No decision is ever 100% perfect—and that’s okay.
If you’re facing a big decision, remember: A good choice you commit to will always be better than the elusive “perfect” choice that keeps you stuck in indecision.
Instead of fearing what you might miss, focus on what you gain by choosing. Because real happiness doesn’t come from finding the best option—it comes from embracing the one you choose.
About the Author
Mandy Morris is an Executive Psychology Coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and Certified EMDR Clinician with over a decade of experience helping leaders, entrepreneurs, and individuals achieve deep emotional healing and personal transformation.